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Celebrating the LHC project with some physics jokes

As you are probably aware the Large Hadron Collier was completed and tested last week. (home page here)

To celebrate their 20 odd years of blood sweat and tear in building the worlds largest particle accelerator, I am publishing some physics jokes.

Enjoy!

1:
A neutron walks into a bar; he asks the bartender, 'How much for a beer?' The bartender looks at him, and says 'For you, no charge.'

2:
Q: Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.

3:
Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip?
A: To get to the same side.

4:
A proton walks into a bar and says "I left my wallet here". The bartender says "Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."

5:
A bar walks into a man. Opps. wrong frame of reference

6:
Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.

7:
A physics professor, who was teaching a graduate course on superstring theory, decided to add an essay question to this year's final exam. The instructions read, "Describe the universe in 400 words or less and give three examples."

8:
Q: What did Donald Duck say in his graduate physics class?
A: Quark, quark, quark!

9:
Physics quote of the day: Anything that doesn't matter has no mass.

10:
Q: Why should followers of special theory of relativity not be taken
seriously?
A: They fail to see the gravity of the situation.

11:
Ten little known facts about relativity:
(1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
(2) Energy equals milk chocolate square (attributed to Albert E. Hersey)
(3) Delivery of Christmas gifts by Santa to the children of the world is now accomplished by riding Rudolf the red-shift reindeer.
(4) The general relativity theory of gravitation is responsible for people falling in love.
(5) The speed of an IRS tax refund is constant.
(6) Anger is neither created nor conserved but only changed from one form to another.
(7) The speed of time is one second per second, which is also called the fundamental unity.
(8) Death and taxes are the same for all constantly moving observers.
(9) Moving midgets are shortened.
(10) Divorce and alimony are equivalent but the latter is multiplied by an enormous factor.

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